This is not a perfect method for changing your life - but it’s close

We’re weeks away from the annual “new year, new me,” bullshit.

Instead of setting goals this year, change who you are.

Goals trick you into thinking there’s a finish line. It’s why most people who lose weight gain it back. It’s why most New Year’s resolutions fail by mid-February.

Some people are willing to change until they get what they want. But most quit before they get there. Either way, they both end up where they started – somewhere they don’t want to be.

This year, dedicate yourself to a process instead of an outcome.

Don’t try to lose weight, become a healthy person.

Don’t try to write a bestseller, become a writer.

Don’t try to win a marathon, become a runner.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a framework you can use to change your identity.

Most of us have an unlived life we wrestle with. An idea of who we could be but aren’t.

I can relate.

This framework is how I went from almost 250 pounds to 175 and under 10% body fat.

The guy on the left didn’t know anything I’m about to tell you, the guy on the right figured it out slowly.

This article is to save you time and get you started.

To change who I was, I had to change what I did.

Set Your Aim

Decide who you want to be and build evidence of it with small wins.

Once you know who you're trying to be, making decisions gets easier. Now you ask, “Does this action take me closer or further from the person I want to be?”

What would the person I want to become do?

For me, it was what would a healthy person do?

I asked myself this over and over. Cake in the break room – what would a healthy person do? Free beer at a reception – what would a healthy person do?

Every decision – is this bringing me closer to who I want to be?

A Different Mindset

Think about the healthiest people you know. It’s like they’re built different.

It’s like they don’t have the same temptations. It’s tempting to chalk it up to genetics or self-discipline.

But that’s letting yourself off the hook.

What’s the difference between you and the people you want to be like?

The people you want to be like aren’t burning their energy and will power on small decisions. They’re not going back and forth on whether they’re going to the gym or whether they should eat the skittles.

They’ve made these decisions automatic.

They’re focused on a system; you’re focused on an outcome.  

They’ve built an identity as a healthy person and now they’re simply remaining consistent with that identity.

They don’t think I can’t eat that; they think I don’t eat that.

It’s the difference between the smoker who’s going to quit and the one who will start again in a few weeks. The former says, I don’t smoke when offered and the latter says, I can’t or I’m trying to quit.

Decide what you don’t do.

I don’t drink. I don’t eat that. I don’t smoke. I don’t watch more than an hour of TV a night. I don’t hit the snooze button.

Change What You Do to Change Who You Are

Most people are limited by their identity. They go through life telling themselves I always do this; I never do that.

Real change is identity change. It’s the only kind that lasts.

In Atomic Habits, James Clear explains that the word identity comes from the Latin words, “essentitas, which means being, and identidem, which means repeatedly. Your identity is literally your repeated beingness.”

So, to change who you are, change what you do.

There’s a story about a young comedian asking Jerry Seinfeld for tips one night after he got off stage. Seinfeld tells him to get a wall calendar, write one joke a day and then put an “X” over each day.

"After a few days you'll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You'll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain," he advised.

You can use this technique for any habit: running, reading, writing.

It doesn’t have to be indefinite. Take something you’ve wanted to try and don’t break the chain for two weeks. Then decide if you want to keep going.

Not breaking the chain is how you build your new identity.

Remember, you’re what you do repeatedly.

If you don’t break the chain, you’re becoming what you’re repeating.

Two weeks of eating paleo is making you a healthy person. Two weeks of running is turning you into a runner.

Put a blank calendar where you can see it. Now you’re building visual evidence of your new identity. You might not be able to see it in the mirror or your bank account, but this is your evidence of putting in the work.

This is your evidence that you’re changing who you are.

A quick recap

Think new identity instead of goals. A few examples:

• I want to lose weight becomes I want to be a healthy person.
• I want to get in shape becomes I want to be the kind of person who works out 5 times a week.

Don’t break the chain:

• Print blank calendars and label them with your new habit, then hang them on your fridge or mirror. You can have more than one at a time. When I started taking this method seriously, I had calendars for: Going to CrossFit 5x’s a week, following my diet and not drinking alcohol.

A few things to remember:

• Motivation follows action. You're not going to feel like doing this new habit more than you are. Stay focused on not breaking the chain and the results will follow.
• If you break the chain, just start over. That's it. You're committing to a process. The real goal isn't to never break the chain for the rest of your life, it's to repeat a habit so many times that it becomes automatic. When you slip, get back on track and remember you're human. It's not all or nothing.

To learn more about how habits shape your identity, I highly recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear.