30 Lessons in 30 Years

The following lessons are reminders to myself. Some are prescriptions and some are frameworks that have upgraded my mental fitness.

My 30th year has been the best of my life. I’ve become a dad, entered a great relationship, gotten in better shape than the year before and started writing publicly.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the last 30 years. They’re the most useful things I know, and my life is better when I don’t forget them.

1. Life is long or it’s not.

I’ve hesitated or not started things because I was worried about how long it would take. I now take the mindset that the time is going to pass or I’m going to be dead and won’t know the difference. So, if there’s something I really want to do, even if it’s going to take years, I give myself permission to start.

2. Get in shape.

Chronic disease is the leading killer in the US and 60% of adults have at least one. Most chronic diseases are lifestyle diseases, they’re a result of too much booze and food and not enough movement.

3. Your life is now.

Don’t let your life pass by waiting for it to start. It’s easy to get lost in the plans we have for our future selves and forget that we’re someone today.

4. You can choose to be happy.

Happiness is a choice and a skill that doesn’t have to be impacted by the external world. Remind yourself all day, “I can choose to be happy; I can choose to be happy.”

5. Write/Journal.

Writing is a form of therapy and leads to clear thinking. It lets you get things out of your head and go on with your life.

6. Eat real food.

I spent most of my 20’s fat and out of shape, eating food-like substances. If you stick to real food with ingredients you can pronounce and that can go bad, you’ll be far better off than eating things that come in a package.

7. No one is thinking about you.

Your life is not a movie. People are going to scroll right past the picture and caption you spent an hour thinking about. The people who “like” it have already forgotten it. Don’t let what you think others will think slow you down.

8. Read, a lot.

Reading is your chance to learn from the wisest who’ve ever lived. Read good books twice and quit the bad ones without guilt.  

9. You’re going to die.

You’re not going to be the first person to escape death. It’s going to happen to you like it has to all who’ve come before you.

10. Don’t forget to surrender.

You suffer when your desires collide with reality. See the world as it is, not as you wish it to be.

11. “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” - Epictetus

Your actions are what define you. You are what you do, not what you say you do.

12. Closed mouths don’t get fed.

Ask for a raise. Negotiate on your own behalf. Be your own advocate. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.

13. Consistency is king.

Your life is the result of what you do consistently.

14. Develop the habit of focusing on what you can control.

Think of your mind as having windshield wipers that are wiping away all the things you can’t control. You’re left with a clear view of what you can control. That’s where to put your time and energy.

15. You are not your feelings.

You can’t control your feelings, but you can control how you react to them. Accept that your feelings are impermanent. They come and go.

16. No one is coming to save you.

There’s no knock on the door coming to give you permission to live the life you want to live.

17. Trust yourself.

No one knows you like you. Epictetus would ask his students, “How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be?” Trust yourself and get after what you really want.

18. Articulate yourself.

No one can read your mind. No one can meet needs and expectations they’ve never heard.

19. Think for yourself.

Don’t hesitate to change your mind or your way of thinking when presented with new information. Strive for thoughtful opinions held loosely.

20. You become what you surround yourself with.

Be ruthlessly decisive with who you spend time with. It’s not possible to be surrounded by people you don’t want to be like and not become like them.  

21. Remember tomorrow.

How are you going to feel tomorrow about what you did today? Don’t undercut your future self. Ask yourself: Tomorrow when I wake up, will this decision have moved me closer or further from where I want to be?

22. Skip the news.

Following the news and keeping up with every current event has no impact on the world. The news is a business, and its goal isn’t to keep you informed.

23. Move your body.

Doing something physical every day, a walk at the minimum. Breaking a sweat will cure most problems.  

24. Keep your identity small.

Watch the stories you tell yourself. Watch the labels you put on yourself. The more rigid our identity, the more options we take off the table.

25. No one knows what they’re doing.

Everyone is figuring it out as they go along. Don’t stand still because you can’t see the end from the beginning.

26. If it’s humanly possible, it’s within your reach.

This might not be true when it comes to dunking a basketball, but it’s true for pretty much anything else.

27. There’s no one thing that’s going to make you happy forever.

This is a trap most of us fall into. We have this idea that we’re one more accomplishment, relationship, or material item away from being content for the rest of our lives.

28. Have kids.

This was received wisdom until I recently earned it. What better way to hold yourself to a higher standard than to know that someone is learning to live based on how you live your life.

29. Ask: Would I introduce this person to someone I care about?

This is a filter for the people in your life. If they’re not good for those you love, they’re not good for you either.

30. The mind is a terrible master.

Meditate, run, swim, do whatever you need to do to separate yourself from your passing thoughts. Rule your mind or be ruled by it.

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“People are strange: They are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice.” ― Charles Bukowski

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